There is probably one character in every team who seems to live in a continuous drama series, with daily episodes of injustice, misunderstandings and fatalistic sighs. They are not necessarily incompetent but, rather, always overwhelmed, helpless and, of course, innocent.
If you are a manager or director, you have probably encountered this type of colleague at least once: the “work victim”. After 30 years of business experience, I believe it is possible to recognize, understand and manage this behavior without losing your patience, balance or sense of humor.
What does “victim” behavior mean?
The word “victim” does not refer to a person who has suffered an actual trauma (hence the quotation marks), but to a behavioral pattern in which the individual constantly perceives himself as persecuted, helpless and lacking control over his own life. It is a form of avoiding responsibility, masked under a thick layer of lamentation.
Typical characteristics of a person with victim behavior include:
• Frequently complains but does not seek solutions
• Feels attacked by feedback, even constructive ones
• Refuses initiative but criticizes the decisions of others
• Victimizes himself in front of superiors or colleagues to gain sympathy or protection
This behavior can be the result of personal experiences, but in the professional environment it becomes a team problem.
What is the negative impact on the team?
A colleague with “victim” behavior comes with a whole collection of side effects:
• It lowers the morale of the team. When someone constantly complains, others start to avoid interaction or, worse, adopt the same tone.
• It slows down processes. Refusal to take responsibility or make decisions blocks the workflow.
• It distracts the leader. The manager ends up spending valuable time “calming spirits” or “translating” reality for the colleague in question.
• It erodes trust. If victimization is used as a political weapon (e.g., “the boss has something against me”), it can create tension and suspicion in the team.
In short, it is like a rain cloud that does not get you wet, but keeps you with an open umbrella all day long.
Why does this behavior occur?
Psychologically speaking, chronic victimization can be a defense mechanism. The person feels insecure, has low self-esteem, and prefers to position themselves as “helpless” rather than risk failure. It is easier to say “I can’t” than “I was wrong.”
In some cases, it is a way to get attention, validation, or protection. In others, it’s simply a habit formed in toxic environments, perpetuated in organizations that don’t provide clarity, feedback, or psychological safety.
However, regardless of the cause, you as a manager are not a psychotherapist. So you need solutions, not psychology, but people management.
What solutions do you have for the “victim” colleague?
a. Clarify responsibilities
The victim loves ambiguity. It allows them to say “I didn’t know” or “it wasn’t my job.” So, clearly define the role, goals, and expectations. In writing. With a deadline. With follow-up.
b. Use specific feedback
Avoid generalizations (“you’re always negative”) and use concrete observations: “In the last 3 meetings you said you couldn’t contribute due to a lack of information. Let’s see how we can work this out.”
c. Encourage autonomy
Do not fall into the rescuer trap. If you solve their problems, you validate their role as a victim. Instead, ask: “what could you do in this situation?” or “what resources do you lack to move forward?”
d. Set healthy boundaries
If whining becomes chronic, set a framework: “We can discuss the difficulties, but please come up with at least one proposed solution.” Or, more ironically: “We’ll cry for 5 minutes, then take action.”
e. Monitor the impact on the team
Watch for subtle signals: avoidance, sarcasm, decreased engagement. If victimization is affecting cohesion, it is time for a more assertive discussion.
How does situational leadership help you?
The situational leadership model (Hersey and Blanchard) says that effective leaders adapt their style depending on the level of maturity and competence of the employee. In the case of the “victim” colleague, you are dealing with a person with skills (sometimes), but with low motivation and a defensive attitude.
Which style is right for you? Here are some guidelines that will help you adapt:
• Coaching: This is the ideal style in the initial phase. You help the colleague with “victim” behavior regain his trust, but you make him responsible.
• Directive: If he avoids tasks or is emotionally manipulative, you need firmness.
• Delegative: This style does not really work here. The victim does not want autonomy, but protection. Still, you can test delegation on small tasks, with support.
The most important thing is not to get caught up in the emotional game of the “victim” colleague. You are not there to “prove” that you are not abusive. You are there to create a functioning environment, not just for this colleague, but for all colleagues on the team.
When should you step in more firmly?
If victimization becomes chronic, affects team performance, and creates tension, it is time for a formal discussion. Not a dramatic one, but a clear one: “I have noticed a pattern of avoidance and negativity in you that is affecting our team. What have we determined is important to all of us? Performance, which is seen in results, not justifications.”
It is not easy but it is necessary. The role of managers is not to coordinate the team in such a way as to maintain the emotional comfort of the “victim” at all costs. On the contrary, the manager must create an environment in which all people can perform and grow.
What is good to remember?
That you are human and you need to take care of yourself. Managing a “victim” colleague can be exhausting. It can make you doubt yourself, feel guilty, or become defensive. It is not your fault. It is not your job, as a manager, to "cure" him. You have the right to set boundaries and you can ask for support from HR. Of course, sometimes you need a break, an espresso, or a realization where you say: "Today is about balance, no exceptions."
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About Valoria
Valoria is a consulting, training, and executive coaching company. Through our services, we help entrepreneurs to grow their business and make success concrete and predictable. Companies turn to us for marketing, human resources and sales consulting. We often respond to requests for training or coaching of management teams. Competence, trust, innovation and passion are the values we uphold in everything we do. We build long-term partnerships and collaborations, because we offer guaranteed results and the best quality, at the right price. Find out more at: www.valoria.ro.
